Monday 25 April, 2011
A dream of being in an aeroplane and considerable air turbulence, flying through storm clouds with thunder and lightning, and the pilot giving reassurance. The plane dips and rocks violently from back to front. Once out of the storm clouds, it seems to be flying close to ground, and then I as a passenger cause the plane to drop to earth where it comes to rest on the grass. No crash landing as such, just that it stops flying, and there are no casualties. I can see the sea, or a large body of water.
This was last night’s dream. Although I have plenty of transport dreams, only once in a pink candy-floss moon will they feature aeroplanes – it’s usually trains, buses, cars and occasionally bicycles with me. I can’t see any relevance to current life circumstances, but my hunch is that it’s about this safetycomfort writing space.
I’m aware that I’m growing out of safetycomfort and that there’s some transition, an in-between space. I had referred to continuing to write in here as an ongoing training space, but I’m not entirely convinced about that. There’s been some nervousness about sharing certain types of writing and other material I draw on, and I’m beginning to resolve that one. But I don’t yet know the shape or feel of what may come next. It will emerge.
One of my keywords for 2011 is expanding, and that’s certainly happening. Continuing to step out of old comfort zones to the point where I don’t need that particular thing any more. Yes, I feel the nervousness and wobble, but what I’m seeing more and more is that taking the courage to learn how to talk and write about the thing I’m nervous about, this is one of the key steps in resolving the thing.
so, my inclination after mulling over, talking with a friend and some more mulling, is to allow this in-between space, to take a break and feel / write my way through it on my own. I do know I want to continue writing and sharing. I’ve notched up 170 posts since I started safetycomfort on WordPress almost fifteen months ago, so I reckon that’s as good as saying I’ve learnt how to write in the open, which has included pulling a post here and there … hmmm ;-)
The therapy training is going well, so is my own personal therapy as part of this, and I’m in a good place.
Monday 18 April, 2011
I wrote and posted this originally in April last year, and reading it again today, it feels apt to post it again. It holds so much of what I feel in my core and want to share of myself.
(I can’t believe it’s only a year ago … it feels far longer).
***
Listen to her wisdom, if you will. Listen to those ancient and remembered tales of laughter in the night. Her ageless voice is singing in the cadence of the sea, crescent moon in winter and midsummer, russet fall and gently greening springtime. You were not born to be tame.
She is the joy that never lies down to die. You sit at water’s edge and build a cairn of pebbles, wet smooth coldness in your hands, balancing until they’re tumbled by the surf. And you begin again, just because you can. These cairns have marked your way along the spiral journeys through the many gates and thresholds of the soul, always winding deeper into mystery, the song of silence weaving notes that call you home. These simple pebbles never once gave up, always bade you look beyond, spoken of the waiting peace, assured you of its presence. It can’t be found in doctrine or the letter of the law, but listen you instead to purity of silence in your core. Trust. So many voices, but quietly you know which one is true. Follow you the way of kindness through the chaos.
Listen to her wisdom, feel her wash you clean in silence and the water. All thoughts of shame and fear are disappearing. Know you now that these were lies, a story you believed in, forgot your essence. Listen to her healing sacred song whose notes inspire remembering of timeless innocence, notes so deep and pure you lose all sense of self and merge with sound, all longings answered in the stillness. Here, my friends, my sisters, brothers, sacred family: Drink you from this holy chalice of acceptance and belonging. Drink deeply of the boundless cup, this love without condition, and know you that it never ceases.
Sunday 17 April, 2011
I wrote yesterday about the crunch point of no longer seeking approval and permission, and later posted a channelled piece. That latter posting became a trip-point for me, because it showed me how much I do still rely on that approval from others.
In a wider context I also remember writing about how I want my posts here to be accessible, yet acknowledging how writing in here is another element of the current training. I seem to have dug myself into a conundrum of sorts. I do know there is a way through it … let’s see if writing this post can take me there.
This much I’m aware of:
a) I’m learning to write from the heart, be spiritually and emotionally naked in the open.
b) I’m using a wide range of material, and learning how to integrate it – counselling, psychotherapy, spirituality, therapeutic writing, poetry, a dip or two into science, some mischief :p
c) Some of this material is channelled – and I’m very careful what I pay attention to, in this particular domain. When I was seventeen I had a beautiful dream in which I came face to face with the one called Jeshua (aka Jesus) and we looked right into one another’s eyes. It was also my first ever flying dream, and I’ve had several of those over the years, too.
Years later I encountered material which suggested that during J’s time on earth, he underwent a far different personal journey that has been suggested by the Church – the enlightenment path (yes, it’s the E word again) – awareness, silence, pure beingness, the unconditional. Since then, I’ve begun working with J material through three particular sources: Jayem (Way of Mastery), Paul Ferrini, and most recently, Pamela Kribbe. My mind struggles with some of this. My heart tells me of the profound and transformational potential of these teachings, if I’ll only let myself immerse and go for it. Oh resistance…
My main question is how to work with this material in the blog.
okay … my feeling is one of letting this space hold the writing that is ready to be shared … and that suggests being rather gentler with this whole process than I’ve let myself be until now. With this material in particular, I’ll work with it on my own first, let it percolate, then share the pieces when they’re ready. Simple really, especially as I’d already alluded to it in a previous post. I do like simple ;-)
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